Quote of the Day (2007-11-29)

Sir Humphrey: "So we trust you to make sure that your Minister does nothing incisive or divisive over the next few weeks."
Sir Arnold: "Avoids anything controversial."
Sir Humphrey: "Expresses no firm opinion about anything at all. Now, is that quite clear?"
Bernard Woolley: "Yes, well, I think that is probably what he was planning to do anyway."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2007-11-28)

Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us! Oh, it is a lonely life -- bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear....

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2007-11-27)

Jim Hacker: "Humphrey, who is it who has the last word about the government of Britain? The British Cabinet or the American President?"
Sir Humphrey: "You know that is a fascinating question. We often discuss it."
Jim Hacker: "And what conclusion have you arrived at?"
Sir Humphrey: "Well, I must admit to be a bit of a heretic. I think it is the British Cabinet. But I know I am in the minority.

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2007-11-26)

[Bart has had his ear pierced]
Lisa: An earring, how rebellious. In a conformist sort of way.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2007-11-25)

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2007-11-24)

Rainer Wolfcastle: [singing] Mein bratwurst has a first name, it's F-R-I-T-Z / Mein bratwurst has a second name, it's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2007-11-23)

Macaulay Connor: Doggone it, C.K. Dexter Haven. Either I'm gonna sock you or you're gonna sock me.
C. K. Dexter Haven: Shall we toss a coin?

Source: The Philadelphia Story

Quote of the Day (2007-11-22)

Sir Arnold: "I presume the Prime Minister is in favour of this scheme because it will reduce unemployment?"
Sir Humphrey: "Well, it looks as if he's reducing unemployment."
Sir Arnold: "Or looks as if he's trying to reduce unemployment."
Sir Humphrey: "While as in reality he's only trying to look as if he's trying to reduce unemployment."
Sir Arnold: "Yes, because he's worried that it does not look as if he's trying to look as if he's trying to reduce unemployment."

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2007-11-21)

Jerry: "I thought you said people dressed up when they go to the opera?"
Kramer: "People do. I don't."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2007-11-20)

[Nigel, introducing the Stonehenge theme concert]
Nigel Tufnel: In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people... the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing..

Source: This is Spinal Tap

Quote of the Day (2007-11-19)

Vizzini: I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
Westley: You're that smart?
Vizzini: Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
Westley: Yes.
Vizzini: Morons.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2007-11-18)

Jerry: "I had a very interesting lunch with George Costanza today."
Kramer: "Really?"
Jerry: "We were talking about our lives, and we both kind of realized we're kids. We're not men."
Kramer: "So then you asked yourselves, 'Isn't there something more to life?'"
Jerry: "Yes, we did."
Kramer: "Yeah, well let me clue you in on something... There isn't."
Jerry: "There isn't?"
Kramer: "Absolutely not. I mean, what are you thinking about, Jerry, marriage? Family? They're prisons! Man-made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning, she's there. You go to sleep at night, she's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. 'Is it alright if I use the bathroom now?!' And you can forget about watching TV while you're eating."
Jerry: "I can?"
Kramer: "Oh yeah. You know why? Because it's dinnertime, and you know what you do at dinner?"
Jerry: "What?"
Kramer: "You talk about your day. 'How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know, how about you, how was your day?'"
Jerry: "Boy."
Kramer: "It's sad, Jerry. It's a sad state of affairs."
Jerry: "I'm glad we had this talk."
Kramer: "Oh, you have no idea."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2007-11-17)

Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here.

Source: Holy Grail

Bonus Humor

Found this on the Dilbert blog:

I was just talking to a friend who said he booked a trip to Ireland on Aer Lingus. This made me wonder what would happen if that airline merged with, oh, let’s say Continental Airlines. This new company, potentially named Conaerlingus, would get people’s attention. But would you be concerned about your flight going down?

For some reason this reminds me of one of the great mysteries of life: Why do attractive women pay for massages? For most of us, there’s a good reason we pay another human to rub us for an hour. If we didn’t offer money, or reciprocate with some rubbing of our own, no one would take the job. But if you are a hot woman, lots of people would volunteer to spend an hour rubbing your nearly naked body for free. So in a sense, an attractive woman isn’t paying for the same thing everyone else is. For her, the massage is always free, and she’s paying someone to pretend it isn’t.

Thought it was funny.

Quote of the Day (2007-11-16)

Zathras: Zathras not of this time. You take, Zathras die. You leave, Zathras die. Either way, it is bad for Zathras.

Source: Babylon 5

Quote of the Day (2007-11-15)

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2007-11-14)

Miracle Max: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2007-11-13)

Sam Baldwin: What is "tiramisu"?
Jay: You'll find out.
Sam Baldwin: Well, what is it?
Jay: You'll see!
Sam Baldwin: Some woman is gonna want me to do it to her and I'm not gonna know what it is!

Source: Sleepless in Seattle

Quote of the Day (2007-11-12)

Kent Brockman: Scott, things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for Philosophy majors - useful people are starting to feel the pinch.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2007-11-11)

Niles: I'm not without resources. My Tae-Kwan-Do instructor tells me I'm two moves away from being quite threatening.

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2007-11-10)

Frasier: I remember the very first time I ever held him [Frederick] in my arms as a newborn. It was as if everything else in the universe simply melted away. There was just a father, a son, and the distant sound of Lilith saying, "If you ever come near me again, Frasier, I'll drop you with a deer rifle."

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2007-11-09)

Welcome gentle Sir knight, welcome to the Castle Anthrax.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2007-11-08)

[TV executives want Homer for a TV ad about bald and impotent men]
Homer: Well, I am bald and important!

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2007-11-07)

Sally Albright: How much worse can it get than finishing dinner, having him reach over, pull a hair out of my head and start flossing with it at the table?

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2007-11-06)

[Niles' new ad, which should describe him as a Jung specialist]
Niles: Remember the ad I placed. They have made a tiny little typo. See if you can find it.
Frasier: Niles Crane . . . Hung Specialist
Niles: The rest they got perfectly. Servicing individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction guaranteed. Tell me when it hurts.

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2007-11-05)

Mrs. Richards: I've booked a room with a bath and a sea view for three nights. I specifically asked for a sea view in my written confirmation, so please make sure I have it.
Manuel: Qué?
Mrs. Richards: What?
Manuel: Qué?
Mrs. Richards: K?
Manuel: Sí.
Mrs. Richards: KC? KC? What are you trying to say?
Manuel: No, no no no. Qué, "what."
Mrs. Richards: K. Watt?
Manuel: Sí: qué, "what."
Mrs. Richards: C.K. Watt?
Manuel: Yes.
Mrs. Richards: Who is this C.K. Watt?
Manuel: Qué?
Mrs. Richards: Is he the manager?
Manuel: Oh, Manajer.
Mrs. Richards: He is.
Manuel: Ah, Mr. Fawlty.
Mrs. Richards: Oh, what are you talking about, you silly little man?
[to Polly]
Mrs. Richards: Girl, I start to ask this man about my room, and he tells me the manager is a Mr. Watt, aged forty.
Manuel: No, no no. "Fawwl-ty."
Mrs. Richards: Faulty? What's wrong with him?

Source: Fawlty Towers

Quote of the Day (2007-11-04)

"I love that bathroom. It's got that high-high toilet. I feel like a gargoyle perched on the ledge of a building."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2007-11-03)

Who is the bigger fool? The fool, or the fool who follows him?

Source: Star Wars: A New Hope

Quote of the Day (2007-11-02)

C. K. Dexter Haven: [looking for the "hair of the dog"] Do you s'pose, sir, speaking of eye-openers...?
Uncle Willie: Oh, that's the first sane remark I've heard today. C'malong, Dexter, I know a formula that's said to pop the pennies off the eyelids of dead Irishmen.

Source: The Philadelphia Story

Quote of the Day (2007-11-01)

Moe: Hey, I don't need no advice from a pinball machine. I'll have you know, I wrote the book on love.
Grampa: Yeah - "All Quiet on the Western Front".

Source: The Simpsons